There are several reasons why one travels. Perhaps the most fulfilling is the experiencing of a different culture; the differences in the ways people live and interact. Part of the reason we travel is to enrich our lives with the curiosities and the unknowns we uncover during our journeys. These journeys more often than not encompass encounters with locals, the very people who can introduce us to the secret nooks and crannies of their homeland; nooks and crannies that a traveler would never uncover alone. This taking on of the spirit of place, this underlying vibrancy is only available to us when interacting with locals, taking a chance and enjoying the good sweet life among those who are most passionate about their country and their lives.
In my travels, I’ve come to understand this spirit is best expressed by those who enthusiastically embrace life, those who realize nothing is a guarantee and who refuse to wait for the main course, but “mangia il dolce per primo.” Who but the Italians understand this to the fullest? After all, this is one of their most famous proverbs and as I would discover firsthand, they most certainly live this in the most exuberant of ways. Whether it’s the sunlit smile and warm embrace of a shopkeeper, the older nonno, grandfather who weeps quietly as he listens to the concerto in the piazza or the young lovers perched on a scenic outlook, tenderly embracing. Italians are brimming with passion, passion for life and all that it encompasses, so much so that the need to bestow this benidica, this blessing upon others, is a necessity.
As a child, I was fascinated by the accent of my nonno. The way he formed each syllable was so intriguing, so new, and conjured up images of a different world, something foreign to me and exciting. I began dreaming of moving away to this foreign world; the thought of living in a place I never experienced thrilled me, even at the young age of five.
The years passed and I eventually found myself living that dream. The history, the landscape, the food, the language, the people and how they joyfully interacted with one another quickly enamored me. I realized that I felt alive, healthier, and joyful even when faced with a difficult circumstance, such as moving into a non-existent apartment! I had accepted a position with a British company, left my career, my security and my life, for this dream and upon arrival, realized this company had never set up the housing they had promised. Imagine my surprise arriving in a foreign land laden down with four enormous trunks and suitcases, only to discover that I had no where to go! Realizing I had arrived at the worst possible time, during ferie agosto, a month long holiday in August when Italians close shop and leave for vacation, I knew I was in trouble. After walking by a handful of real estate agencies stating, “closed for ferie”, I sat on the side of the curb and sobbed like the five year old I no longer was.
In desperation and reduced to tears, I decided to express my predicament to the concierge at a local hotel. After checking in and saying many prayers, I took a cold shower to calm myself. Within ten minutes, I received a phone call that someone in the hotel knew someone else, who had a friend, who had a cousin, who had an apartment for rent that was currently vacant! I didn’t care where the apartment was or what it looked like, I sprang at the chance to meet this cousin of a friend, of someone who knew someone else who worked at the hotel! This, I learned, was the way my adventure would go here in this land of many friendships.
My prayers were answered! I saw the apartment the following day, loved it, and agreed to meet the owner’s mother for the business transaction that ended up consisting of an extremely informal meeting in the hotel lobby with a woman who spoke no English, who had no lease to sign, who only accepted cash and gave no receipt for the three months worth of security deposit I handed over with a shaking hand and a furiously beating heart. In exchange, I received an enormous key ring with six huge, extra long, ancient keys. I had no idea if these keys went to anything, never mind what I thought was my new home! After dragging around my luggage for two hours searching for my new apartment building in the scorching August heat (ferie strikes again, there was no one around to ask directions), I finally located it. Making it up to the fifth floor, I took out the enormous key ring and attempted to unlock the four deadbolts! One would never know that this was a secure building with two gates and two locks to go through before even accessing the building! For a people who are so hospitable, so willing to welcome newcomers and each other, their love of security and locks was astonishing.
Once inside, I was immediately thankful the owner had left the apartment furnished, and for my brother, who had given me a gift of pots, pans and dishes. I quickly opened the windows and shutters to my balcony and let in the fresh air. Sitting on the sofa, I realized the day was quickly ending, stores were closed and I had no sheets for the bed or food. Luckily, I had developed wonderful pen pal friendships before my arrival and decided to put these newfound friendships to the test. Wandering back outside I searched for a public phone finding nothing except signs for telephones locked up in stores, which were closed for ferie. This famous holiday kept coming back to haunt me. Standing there with no idea what to do next, I happened to hear a voice in Italian ask me if everything was ok. After explaining I was looking for a telephone, the gentleman graciously smiled and handed me his cell phone. What a savoir!
Within minutes, my new friend Andrea arrived, having just returned from his holiday, and rescued me from a sleepless night and starvation. Andrea ended up being more than a friend, more than a savior, someone I will always be grateful for and will never forget. In the course of the following week, he shuttled me around from store to store (luckily ferie was coming to an end); he purchased my Italian cell phone as a gift; he invited me into his home on many occasions; he introduced me to his friends and family; he took me on numerous day trips throughout the countryside and selflessly provided all of the things I was missing in terms of friendship and belongings. He was the first person to introduce to me to the generosity and kindness of the Italian people.
Everywhere I went I discovered the community as a whole enjoying life in ways I was only accustomed to on a more intimate scale; enjoying daily five-course meals together, sharing jokes and laughter in the piazzas, walking arm-in-arm down the street, dancing and playing music in public and within their own homes – the sounds of happy togetherness wafting from the windows. Everything binds them together; everything is centered on the group rather than the individual.
In addition to Andrea, I was fortunate enough to meet many others who would introduce me to the joyful celebration that is life. Among these many influential and wonderful people were Lorenzo and his family, my neighbors. They would invite me over for dinner during which Lorenzo’s father would sing at the top of his lungs too late at night while his wife playfully hit him with a dishtowel. There were the shopkeepers who welcomed me into their kitchens, proudly describing how they prepared the day’s meals while toasting me, and America, with their homemade wine. The older men and women who fussed over me in the piazza, who gave me homemade cookies and lots of hugs and smiles, all have enriched my life.
My time in Italy came to a close quicker than I anticipated. After three years of being home I was fortunate enough to happen upon a place where I was able to rediscover the joy I felt in Italy. This joy was found in a charming Italian wine bar opened by a family from Assisi. Anna, the mother and part owner, and her family embody everything I’ve learned and had come to admire about Italy and the Italian culture. In typical Italian fashion, Skappo welcomes strangers with open arms, enticing us lovers of the Italian culture with much more than food and wine that is worthy of the highest praise. Skappo has brought a piece of Italy to America. Anna and her family instill a sense of togetherness and offer a place where laughter, song and dance are as important as breathing, just as important here in America as they are in Italy; a place where strangers become friends and friendships turn into extended family; a place where likeminded people, tempted by the allure of Italy, gather. As Anna often says with immediacy in her voice, “we must enjoy life now.” Carrying on the legacy of her dear father, who would sing his favorite song every morning as he opened the shutters, “perche la vita e bella e la voglio vivere sempre piu,” because life is beautiful and I want to live always more. This is the essence of Italy, the essence of the Italian people and the essence of Skappo.
Anna is always quick to share stories about her life in Italy and the differences she encountered upon arrival in America. When asked why she left such a life behind, she smiles brightly and says dramatically, “love.” Falling in love with an American, Anna left behind her family and friends for a new life, a very different life. Anna often tells of her first dinner in an American restaurant, “it was a nice restaurant, fine linen, fancy food and an elegant atmosphere. It was a calm evening, not much action, after dining, we put down our napkins, paid the bill and left! That’s it! No music, no dancing, no laughter. It was very different than what I was used to.”
This search for a spirited life has led me to share my appreciation for the life that is now. My experience has led me to a career sharing this joy. I recently received a letter from a client of mine, Lin, for whom I customized a trip to Sicily. Upon her return, I received a lovely letter highlighting the exact experience I had hoped to provide and the exact experience Anna was missing during her first dinner in America; Lin explains:
As we took our private tour of the ceramics studio, we note Conci’s daughter painting several bowls, and a kilnful of plates ready for firing. We were truly impressed with the talents in this one family. But were we in for an even bigger surprise. As we chatted in our pitiful Italian, hand-gestures, and dictionaries, Conci’s husband told us that he manages a large group of men and women who perform Sicilian folk music and dance all over the world!’ He quickly broke out his bamboo flute, and the young apprentice, in turn took out his mouth harp, and they began an impromptu musical demonstration! To return the favor, Charles sang a bit of gospel music that he performs here in North Carolina. The entire demonstration had turned into a spontaneous party!
With a smile on my face, I finished Lin’s letter, sat back and with tears in my eyes, remembered my first experience in Italy, my experiences at Skappo and how delighted I am to help others feel such a special connection. This letter is Italy; it is the essence of the culture; it is the meaning behind the famous Italian proverb; it teaches us what “eating dessert first” is really all about.
